Spotlight on UR Strong
Landsdale Primary School
Talk-it-Out Space:
At the end of term 1, all classes visited our amazing 'Talk-it-Out' space to discuss how to use, and the reasons for, using this space. The purpose of a 'Talk-it-Out Space' in UR Strong is to provide a designated area and framework for students to resolve conflict (Friendship Fires) and disagreements in a healthy and respectful way, focusing on friendship skills and social-emotional learning. This space encourages students to communicate their feelings, understand different perspectives, and work towards solutions, ultimately strengthening their friendships and social-emotional well-being.
Students in LA16 also created a poster of their own, outlining the steps involved when solving a Friendship Fire. All students also discussed that some friends may not be ready to 'talk-it-out' and that it's okay to wait until you are both ready!
LA12 students, with Ninja Ted 1 and 2, completing the 'Making New Friends' lesson of UR Strong, specifically how to be a 'super introducer' and 'ask and pass' for conversational skills.
Friendship Fire or Mean-on-Purpose?
Conflict is tricky! How can we tell the difference between Friendship Fires, Mean-on-Purpose, Mean-by-Accident, and Bullying?
We classify conflict into just two categories to keep things as easy as possible for kids: Friendship Fires® (normal conflicts between friends) and Mean-on-Purpose behavior. By making this distinction and establishing a common language, we can better coach and guide our children towards healthy friendships.
Is it a Friendship Fire or Mean-on-Purpose?
Kids and their parents sometimes mistakenly believe that any conflict with a friend is “bullying” (a word that is typically misused and misunderstood). Instead, however, we want to use simple, kid-friendly language. Here are a few common questions:
So, how can we tell the difference between a Friendship Fire or Mean-on-Purpose?
The difference really lies in intent—was it a misunderstanding or were they really trying to hurt your feelings? From the data we’ve collected so far, the majority of conflict that exists in schools are Friendship Fires (approx. 90%).
Can a friend be Mean-on-Purpose too?
Yes, absolutely, and it really hurts!
Can a friend be Mean-by-Accident?
Yep, this is a Friendship Fire.
Can a Friendship Fire escalate into Mean-on-Purpose?
Definitely. This is why we teach kids that timing is important when we put out our Friendship Fires. Sometimes we’re not ready or our friend isn’t ready to put out the Fire. If we continue to try and Talk-it-Out when the time isn’t right, we will inevitably make the Fire bigger.
Can we de-escalate a Mean-on-Purpose moment into a Friendship Fire?
For sure. Sometimes we misinterpret someone’s behavior as Mean-on-Purpose. When we respond with a Quick Comeback, the person knows we felt it was mean. This then allows that person to respond in a way that explains that their intent wasn’t to be mean. By doing this, they move into the Talk-it-Out phase on the Friend-o-Cycle and, thus, it’s downgraded to a Friendship Fire.
Here’s a scenario that demonstrates our step-by-step friendship strategy in-action:
Your friend starts calling you the nickname, “Sweatpants,” because you always wear comfy pants to school. At first, you think it’s fun and it makes you feel closer to your friend. You both laugh about it and think it’s cool.
After time, it feels less funny and more like your friend is making fun of you. You start to feel offended and it’s really bugging you. THIS IS A FRIENDSHIP FIRE®.
In URSTRONG, we teach kids to (1) Retell the situation, and (2) Explain how it made you feel. This is a conversation.
You ask to talk to your friend and let them know that the nickname is actually making you feel bad. Through the conversation, you explain how you feel and you respectfully ask your friend to not call you “Sweatpants” anymore.
The next day, your friend continues calling you the nickname, fully knowing you don’t like it. THIS IS MEAN-ON-PURPOSE.
In URSTRONG, we teach kids to say their Quick Comeback in a strong voice and then walk away. This is not a conversation.
When your friend calls you the nickname again, knowing it’s hurtful, you say your Quick Comeback: “Stop.” You walk away and try to keep your focus on something that makes you happy.
At this point, we would let kids know that if this is a healthy friendship, your friend would respect you enough to stop calling you the nickname. If your friend continues calling you the name, trust and respect (Friendship Fact #3) break down, and this friendship would be in the unhealthy (red) zone of the Friend-o-Meter.
The URSTRONG advice: Spend less time with this friend. You deserve healthy, feel-good friendships and remember Friendship Fact #4: Friendships change…and that’s okay.
If your friend continued to be Mean-on-Purpose, despite standing up for yourself and communicating it’s not okay (through your Quick Comeback), then THIS IS BULLYING. (We describe bullying as ongoing, Mean-on-Purpose behaviour.)
This requires the support of adults to provide deeper interventions. We encourage URSTRONG Schools to follow our Bullying Prevention Plan that outlines the procedure for both the victim and the perpetrator.
Written by Dana Kerford
Friendship Expert and Founder, URSTRONG
In Year 6, we have been learning about healthy friendships and strategies to maintain them. One session introduced a metaphor for friendship groups:
- Circular groups are tight-knit, leaving little room for individuality and making it difficult for others to join.
- Horseshoe groups allow space for each person to be themselves and remain open for others to join or leave freely.
This session encouraged students to reflect on their friendships. They also explored the differences between healthy and unhealthy friendships—both in-person and online—and how body language influences interactions. We reinforced these skills by playing Conversation Catch, a game that helps keep conversations flowing.
Welcome to our 'Spotlight on UR Strong' for Week 6. We’re so pleased that you’ve joined our community of families dedicated to empowering their kids with friendship skills! We’re excited to share our wide range of resources and offer our support on your family’s friendship journey.
Click on the link below to watch a quick 15 minute video by Dana Kerford, UR Strong's founder that explains the language of Friendship and a brief summary of this amazing program.
(NB: You must be logged into your UR Strong Account to be able to watch the video) https://urstrong.com/members/family/#component-7-video-1
'A Day So Yay!' in Year 1 & 2
This week, our Year 1 and 2 students reflected on positive moments in their day, helping them develop gratitude and a positive mindset. Through class discussions, students shared experiences that made them feel happy and excited—such as swimming, enjoying delicious food, playing with friends and celebrating special occasions.
They then completed the sentence “A day so yay was when…” and created beautiful artworks to illustrate their special moments. To finish, students shared their reflections with classmates before adding them to a vibrant classroom display, celebrating the joy in everyday life!
Friendology in Year 4:
This week as part of our UR Strong lessons, we spoke about all the things that give us 'butterflies' in our stomachs. Students recalled and described a time that they have had that feeling of ‘butterflies’ in a friendship. We discussed that it is normal that Friendship Fires® and Mean-on-Purpose encounters can give us butterflies, because we feel lots of big, uncomfortable feelings when our friendships are not in the healthy zone of the 'Friend-o-Meter.'
We can choose what to do with our butterflies. We don’t need to let them control us or stop us from doing things! In order to this, we need to know the difference between things we can control and things we cannot control.
Each student designed a butterfly to name and then tame the butterfly-feelings we may get in certain situations. We have displayed these in our classroom to remind us that we have control over lots of those pesky butterflies and can tame them.
Click HERE to download brochure
URSTRONG’s whole-school friendship strategy has improved the social climate in schools around the world, connecting over a million kids, parents, and teachers with a common language of friendship. We are proud to be a URSTRONG School and are committed to empowering your children with friendship skills.
You are invited to take advantage of a FREE Parent Membership to access hundreds of resources – including an 8 session video series. This will allow you to learn the same language & strategies being taught in the classroom through the Friendology 101 curriculum. We hope that, as a URSTRONG Family, you will reinforce the important messages of empowerment, self-compassion, & kindness at home.
As a next step, we would recommend:
- Click Here to view an overview of URSTRONG.
- Activate your FREE Parent Membership and explore all the resources available to your family.
- Explore the hundreds of resources available to you!
We believe that empowering our students with these skills will create a culture of kindness at our school and we hope that, together, we can support your children to have healthy, feel-good friendships.
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